You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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