My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
