I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
