One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
