I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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