Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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