i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
