Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
