I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
