Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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