Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
