She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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