is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
