haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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