I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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