I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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