I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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