One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
