I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
