Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
