So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
