I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
