Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
