I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sext me about skeletons
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
