It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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