He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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