Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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