I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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