Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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