Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
