JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize