Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
