I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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