He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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