sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
