dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
