chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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