I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
