cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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