Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
