i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
