i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
