How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
