I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
