I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
