soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
