I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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