i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
