I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
