so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
