Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
