sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
