you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
