Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
