i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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