I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
