I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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