I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
