I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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