i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize