How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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