Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
