currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
