Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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