She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
