I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
