Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
