Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
