If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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