I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
