Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize