after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
