if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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